Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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