i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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