Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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