would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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