1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
