come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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