I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
