I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize