Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
