Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
