i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
