Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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