We're facebook friends in real life
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
