Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
