Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
