Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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