I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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