It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
