A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
