Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
