I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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