my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
