just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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