Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Randomize
