i jhust puked up my retainher.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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