my vag is so smooth its legendary
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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