I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
