I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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