How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
