Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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