I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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