I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
