what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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