if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
