Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
