At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
