some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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