...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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