this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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