Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
