do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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