you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year