I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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