Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it