this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
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Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
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My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line