So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok