My hair reeks of homosexuality.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?