Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize
