She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
