Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
