I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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