There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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