We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
