My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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