We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
