if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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