My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize