dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
