I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
