So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
the condom got lost in my hair
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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