Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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