the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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