im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize