im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Can you bring me the toilet please
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
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