We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
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