I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
