I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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