guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
All I want is dick and wine.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
