I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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