He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
