it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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