Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
