Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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