I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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