i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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