At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
