Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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