Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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