dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
